Talking is hard sometimes…

Words are hard.

I wonder if Neurotypicals take talking for granted? We are aware that various Neurodivergent people have difficulties talking. Some more noticeable than others.

I’m not as noticeable. I can clearly speak to people. I can hold conversations. I can actually hold interviews well for my projects. I seem “normal” in comparison.

However, half of the time when I talk, it’s almost gibberish or my English (my mother tongue) gets questioned.

Being autistic sometimes is a different language in itself. And talking to others is exhausting.

It’s more than simply thinking before speaking. I wish it was only that.

Some days, just simply asking simple questions requires effort. It requires more brain power just to say that question correctly and to make it understandable for other people. And even then, it’s not always consistent.

When I’m drained, upset or even tired. I just can’t get my words put when I talk and when I try, it just turns into a stuttered or mumbling mess. It’s that that point I prefer to keep quiet. It’s not always anxiety, it just processes that way beyond control.

I am awkward because I misuse words or word things differently that I think is right, but may be misunderstood to others. Sometimes I may discribe something that makes sense. But other people still won’t get it. This is what I mean that autistics feel like they speak a different language. I expect them to understand as we are talking in the same language, but it doesn’t work that way.

You’d think talking would be easy? It’s hard and I struggle everyday. It’s not severe but it’s enough to get me down sometimes…

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